Interview author: Mary Conway

Terry Griffiths is a transgender man who de-transited and re-transited years later. He tells his story and provides thoughts on the health care, education and support that transgender children need.

Terry begins the interview by telling us about the beginnings of his social transition at the age of 8. He came out to his friends on the beach by giving them a letter telling them that he always wished he was a boy. “Now I look at it like I’ve always been [a boy],” he explains. “But yes, I wrote it down and told them my name is now Stanley, and in the future call me boy. My friends found it acceptable.”

We were interested to find out how he chose that name, and at what point he decided on the name Terry

“At that point I had already changed to several different male names,” he said. “I told my parents I wanted to be called Jude, according to a TV presenter. Later I dressed up as Fireman Sam and declared that I wanted to be called Sam. Later I played the game Moshi Monsters, where there was a monster called Stanley, and I wanted to be called him.”

So his parents supported him?

“My parents are very supportive.” He explains how his mother came with him to talk to the special educational needs coordinator, even though “coordinators are not obligated to help me navigate all these things.” “She was very open, which is why I was able to talk to her.”

But not everyone has an understanding.

“My teachers had different views, and many of my classmates didn’t understand [what I was going through]. People asked me if I was a lesbian, if I was a boy or a girl, at a time when I was very confused.”

Terry also talks about his first attempt at a medical transition.

“I was referred to Tavistock, which was the only gender confirmation clinic in the UK at the time. I tried to get hormone blockers because that would have been great for me.”

Why Terry decided not to take hormone blockers

“I said to myself – I’m going to pretend that this is no longer relevant to me. Even though I waited two years for this appointment, I had my mom call the clinic and cancel it because I changed my mind.”

How did you feel after that? What was other people’s reaction?

“It was frustrating for everyone, especially my parents who did a lot to get me to term. Everyone tried to address me with male pronouns, and I had to tell them No, I would like to go back to female pronouns, which was confusing for many. It was also confusing because I still presented myself in a stereotypical “male way” and my name had already been legally changed. I tried to present myself in a more feminine way, but it made me feel even more uncomfortable, so I went back to presenting myself as a masculinist, saying I was a butch-lesbian.’

Towards the end of the tenth year Terry begins a social transition for the second time

“I realized that I can’t hide this anymore, I can’t pretend that I’m not transgender. I told my parents that I was definitely transgender. My father had an easier time processing this than my mother. He immediately started addressing me with male pronouns, and it took my mother about a year. A few of my teachers were better than others. I had an art teacher who always addressed me incorrectly and got annoyed when I corrected him. There was also a physical education teacher who discouraged me and put me in the women’s group in class. Because of this, my father had to write a letter to the school, stating that I would not attend physical education classes if I was forced to be part of the girls’ group, until I was moved to the boys’ group. The teacher responded negatively to that, saying that I am still physically a girl and therefore I am not allowed. He/she made me announce to all the girls that from now on I will change in the bathroom by myself. It was very unpleasant and when the physical education lesson ended I felt better. But that experience made me more confident in my masculinity, and I’m sorry I didn’t make the decision sooner.

What helped him realize that he was truly trans?

“I was very pleased to find a variety of LGBTI websites. Before that I felt like I was the only person in the world who felt this way. But I realized that there are so many people like me. Then I regretted not going to the Tavistock appointment. The fact that I was alone made me feel like I was making something up.

What support does he think would be helpful that he didn’t have at the time?

I definitely feel that if I had known about the existence of other transgender people in my early school days, I probably would have shown up for appointments and ignored the people who bullied me. If I had more knowledge about transgenderism, I would not have detransited socially. When we had sex education, it was supposed to include material about transgenderism and general LGBTI information, and not be aimed entirely at cis straight people, which it was, which obviously didn’t help me and wasn’t something I could identify with. It made me feel like I had to fit in where everyone else was looking at me.”

Even some of the support that was meant for young transgender people was not always as helpful as it could have been.

“I used to read stories about the British organization Mermaids from other trans kids. The one that sticks in my mind is about little Kyle who had huge problems with bullying throughout high school. The other children pulled the hair on his legs in the changing rooms and so on. But that didn’t help me much because he talked about his abuse and that made me hide. So I feel positive stories would be more helpful.”

When she realized she was trans, Terry began re-medically transitioning.

“I went to the family doctor to get a referral again and start the procedure. Technically, by the time I got to this point, I was already too old. But the doctors compromised and admitted me anyway, considering that I had already been to Tavistock once. I’ve been on testosterone for almost a year now.”

But it took a long time…

“At first the waiting list didn’t seem long because they said I would be in line in eight months. But then they turned nine, fourteen, eighteen… and I kept reminding and nagging them several times a week to get my appointment. I’ve heard of people who have been waiting for five years. Once you get to the point where you are assessed, you should have gone through six referrals in total. Then they ask you questions about you, your family and then you talk more specifically about your gender. The process takes so long that some people over the age of eighteen are referred to the adult gender clinic. The waiting period for my assessment appointment was shorter, lasting only a few months. You have an online appointment because of the COVID measures and then I got another diagnosis. I also had a live physical assessment at the clinic. Finally, they wrote me a prescription from there for hormone blockers and testosterone, which I think is unusual to take at the same time. I now have blood work done every three months and have been recommended for upper body surgery, but I still don’t know when it will happen.”

The waiting list to buy hormones was so long that Terry considered buying testosterone online and injecting it himself, but decided to go through the NHS anyway.

“I’m not sure if that’s safe.” I’d rather wait a little longer, but have the process properly completed. A lot could have gone wrong if I had taken it into my own hands. Adequate monitoring is required. For example, the dose of testosterone that I was receiving was gradually increased and at one point it made me at risk of blood clots, which is why they had to reduce it again. Therefore, I definitely wanted to be sure that everything would be okay and that I would be safe. I’m glad I persevered and didn’t buy testosterone online.”

In addition to the medical transition, Terry took another step and received his certificate of legal recognition of gender

“I got the certificate in the summer, before I started going to college. Honestly, it was quite a tedious process. It cost me £140 which is too expensive and I wasn’t even sure I wanted it. Then the Government decided that it would reduce the price to £5. To buy the certificate, I needed a confirmation from the gender clinic, from the family doctor, and I had to fill out a lot of documents, go to a lawyer and get a legal statement from him. I had to collect evidence from a two-year period of use of my name, a birth certificate and my application for a legal name change.”

In addition to starting young and not having undergone any surgery yet, Terry’s transition has already become a long process. He also shares with us his thoughts on what could be done to improve health services in the UK and how to reduce the number of people de-transiting.

“More gender clinics should definitely be opened and the number of employees who can provide services to more people should be increased, which is not a priority of the current government. The education system also needs to be improved. Gender and gender expression should be part of teaching, so people have a better understanding of what it means to be transgender. There should be better psychological support and help people find out if they want to start hornomic therapy or if their problem lies elsewhere. Easing the process of getting hormone blockers would help a lot. That would help increase the amount of time it takes for transgender people to decide what they really want. Then they could decide if they want to receive hormones or if they want to continue with their puberty.

Finally, Terry reflects on his experiences. Are there any doubts or uncertainties about his identity?

“It’s definitely clear to me now.” I feel like my hesitation helped me figure out which situations I felt comfortable in and which I didn’t. Now I am sure that I am taking the right step. I’m happy that I’m changing, that my voice has deepened and that it will never be the same again, and that’s okay.”

The interview was published on March 30, 2022 and was taken from the PAXSIES website.

The original text is available here.

Photos by Andrius Banelis and Ina Gouveia, courtesy of TheGreats.co