To write and think about transgender people, today, is impossible outside of an “us”, in which everyone is now placed. At a time when almost all the centers of power are mobilized to deny the possibility of one group to exist, the commonality of all the “outcasts” from the “guardians of normality” is inevitable. To be together, to feel that belonging in a broadly chosen family of freaks is both fate and choice. In any case, a beautiful and happy fate and choice. If I could choose, I would again choose these people with whom I share worlds, share concerns and attitudes, but also a lot of happiness and laughter. For this reason, in this case, I decided not to write about the haters and bullies, about anti-gender activists and quasi-believers, but about us. This choice comes because of one simple fact – the more we are hated and attacked, the more we come together, unite and activate. In other words, sometimes you can make useful fools out of haters and utilize that. On this occasion, I thank them that despite all the troubles, they managed to make us stronger, louder and more organized than ever before. It was in that communion with trans, fluid and non-binary people that I managed to grow emotionally as well as socially. Thus, let this text be about what I learned from you.

I’ve learned from my trans, non-binary, and fluid friends that I need to stop taking myself so seriously. Being exposed to stigma and ridicule, experiences that mark these people’s lives, is a hellish experience that can sometimes make you stronger. The strength I have felt in the trans people I interact with regularly comes exactly from the possibility of overcoming these experiences by accepting them as an inevitable part of one’s life and transforming them into a position of wonderful “landslide”. I am afraid of making a mistake in public, the thought of a mistake and failure leading to public shame is my nightmare. My best friend, who is a trans girl, told me in one such situation: “You take yourself too seriously, relax, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Look at me, 2 meters tall, with heels 2 sizes smaller, wig and makeup, head held high and zero fucks for everyone who passes by and stares at me. Life is so unpredictable that there is nothing serious about it except to breathe and walk.” Exhaling from such a burden, especially for a woman, is tantamount to liberation.

I’ve learned from my trans, non-binary, and fluid friends that camaraderie and loyalty, especially among the weak, can replace an entire system of institutions and services. When you are outside the system, as these people are, then the possibility of survival depends on informal networks, friendship circles and social spaces that are built not exclusively on the basis of identity, but on vulnerability. Surviving as a trans person in Macedonia is only possible through loyalty and dedication, care and sharing which is unconditional. Whether we complement each other as friends, whether we’ve gossiped or argued, when someone is vulnerable and has a problem, we’re all here for support. Or, as a trans friend of mine would say, “when someone has a problem, whatever it is, they’re one of us and we’re here for them.” Loyalty as a value, but also a discipline, is what I learn from these people every day and that makes me safer and calmer in difficult times.

From my trans, non-binary, and fluid friends, I learned how to put on make-up, how not to put on makeup, how to dress up, how not to dress up, how to put on eyelashes, how to wax, how not to wax, how to I work out, how to eat all the food money can buy. In other words, I learned to love my body as it is, to decorate it however I want, if I want to and as much as I want to. As a woman, this lesson was perhaps the most difficult for me, but also the most necessary one.

Contrary to the foolishness shared on various forums and platforms by anti-gender activists, my life has been enriched and improved after living and learning from you. Me and the other cisgender women around me feel safe, happy and fulfilled with you. My child grew up with my trans girlfriends, spent many picnics in the park, walks on Vodno, vacations on Ohrid beaches. We know exactly who to fear and who to build worlds and lives with. Thank you for existing and being a part of our lives.

Author: Irena Cvetkovikj

The text is part of Tranzine – A magazine about the history, identities and experiences of transgender people. You can download the magazine here.